Sapphire
by Natsumiya Teirin
Summary: You've spent a long time running away from the shadows, but they've followed you home anyway. What will you do now, John? Medieval Heinoustuck crossover with humanstuck. DaveJoh/Hammertime/PepsiCola along with RoseMary and possible RoseJade as side pairings. Also DirkJake.
1. Chapter 1

XxX

[Location: unknown_]

[Date: 13 April, 20XX_]

Your name is Johnathan.

Today is your thirteenth birthday. Naturally, everyone besides you is ecstatic, while you yourself are filled with dread. As is the norm, today is the day of your transmuscendence, but you aren't looking forward to it at all. You've been dreading it your entire life, of course, and now that the day's finally come, you have to get out of it.

You've already discussed your feelings on the matter with your cousins Jake and Jade, and they've agreed to help you out. Now, all you have to do is meet them by the appearifier in the courtyard.

 **John: go to the courtyard.**

You exit your bedroom and make your way to the courtyard uninterrupted. As far as the guards are concerned, you're just going for a walk to ease your nerves before the ceremony.

You see your cousins already there, and smile at them warmly. Jade returns it while Jake waves you over.

 **John: get up onto the pedestal.**

You step onto the appearifier. Jake's already set the coordinates, and Jade's done some tinkering of her own, but you don't know exactly what she did yet. You suppose you'll find out soon enough.

 **John: Disappear.**

[Location: Maple Valley, WA_]

[Date: 13 April, 1998_]

Your name is Jake Egbert, though everyone calls you "dad". This is in mockery of your failure to ever get a girlfriend, much less a wife, and even more less a child. But you don't mind.

You're perfectly happy running your family's joke shop with your mother.

Today marks your twenty-fifth birthday, and somehow, you have a feeling that this one will be better than any birthday previous.

You step out from your shop and start up a conversation with a young woman. You recognize her as Roxy Lalonde, a well-known scientist, but naturally, you say nothing of this. You're just a man who conversed with a lady on a whim.

The lady points upwards, and you look to the sky, just in time to see your shop explode. Your mother, in her old age, is undoubtedly dead, but a part of you urges you to check it out anyway.

 **Dad: examine the remains of your shop.**

There is a baby. You have no idea how it could've gotten there, since the shop was void of customers, and if it somehow arrived on the meteor, it should've burned up in the atmosphere.

But it's perfectly fine.

You decide not to question it and take the baby into your arms. His buck teeth remind you of your mother, and you can't help but get instantly attached to it.

A mother lost: a son gained.

XxX

[Location: Maple Valley, WA_]

[Date: 13 April, 2009_]

Your name is John Egbert. Today, the thirteenth of April, is your thirteenth birthday. Your dad's spent all day in the kitchen baking for the occasion. There are two whole cakes in your room already, so you don't understand why he feels the need to bake more.

 **John: Check computer.**

Your Pesterchum icon is flashing. You wonder who could be pestering you at this hour. Probably one of your internet pals.

 **John: Answer TG.**

 **-TurntechGodhead[TG] began pestering EctoBiologist[EB] at 10:12 AM-**

TG: Hey

TG: You up yet?

TG: Well…whatever

TG: Just wanted to…eh whatever

 **-EctoBiologist[EB] began pestering TurntechGodhead[TG] 11:32 AM-**

EB: hey dave!

TG: Yo

TG: wassup

EB: nothing i guess. just trying to avoid my dad.

TG: old man givin u shit again?

EB: not really. i've just had this weird feeling all day that something bad'll happen if he and i interact.

EB: that probably sounds really weird right now.

TG: damn right

TG: but

TG: you know

TG: weird shit like that happens sometimes

TG: which reminds me…

TG: did you check the news lately?

EB: no. why?

TG: some psycho birdmans been spotted around my area

TG: don't know WHAT his deal is

TG: but

TG: like

TG: his face looks like one of those things doctors wore during the plague when it was all up and killing everyone in europe

TG: when was that anyway?

EB: fourteenth century i think.

TG: oh cool

TG: but…yeah

TG: be careful man

TG: newsguys are sayin that bird-dude was heading towards your area

EB: ok. i'll be careful.

TG: good

TG: wouldnt want my best bro dead

TG: thatd be so uncool

TG: and ironic

TG: but in a really uncool way

EB: yeah. anyway i gotta go. dad's calling me.

 **-Ectobiologist [EB] has ceased pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 11:50 AM-**

 **John: Go to dad.**

You don't want to, but you know better than to test your dad's patience. You reluctantly exit your bedroom and start going downstairs. Your dad is waiting for you in the living room with a pleasant smile on his face. He motions to the front door, and you obediently follow him out. It looks like he's dragging you out for a birthday shopping spree. Ordinarily, you wouldn't mind this, but the bad feeling you've had since getting out of bed has only gotten worse, and seems to have intensified once you entered the car. You buckle up and try not to think on it too much.


	2. Chapter 2

[Location: Egbert Household, Maple Valley, WA_]

[Date: June 13, 2009_]

 **-gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering EctoBiologist [EB] at 1:15 PM-**

 **GG: hi john!**

 **GG: happy birthday!:-)**

 **-EctoBiologist [EB] has logged on-**

 **EB: hi jade.**

 **EB: thanks btw.**

 **GG: So…how has it been so far?:-)**

 **EB: so far so good, i guess. i've just had this weird feeling that something bad's gonna happen.**

 **GG: oh…well, im sure things will be okay!:-D**

 **EB: thanks jade. you always know how to cheer me up.**

 **GG: :-)**

 **-gardenGnostic has ceased pestering EctoBiologist [EB] at 1:22 PM**

 **John: log off your computer.**

You get off your computer and get ready to go out. You finally have a job now, and you've been waiting all summer to get started on it.

 **John: start work.**

You go to the house at the end of the street just in time to see a car pull out of the driveway. You give the driver a friendly, well-wishing wave as you walk up to the front door. You grab the spare key from under the welcome mat and enter the house. Casey, the child you're babysitting, is in the living room munching on goldfish crackers and watching some cartoon on TV. Her parents have left you a note.

 **John: examine note.**

John,

Thank you again for babysitting Casey. She is to be in bed by nine. For dinner you can take her out or prepare something with whatever's in the kitchen (her favorite is spaghetti). You may also take her out to the park, if you'd like.

-Mr. and Mrs. Salamaander

Actually, the park sounds like a great idea!

 **John: take Casey and go to park!**

You take Casey outside to play at the park. You watch her run around from a bench beneath a tree, and blink as a feather falls onto your lap.

Eh, it's probably just a bird or something.

 **John: play Tag with Casey.**

You run around and allow Casey to tag you. Her childish smile ignites a warm fire in your heart, and you decide you'd happily watch over her again.

 **John: take Casey home.**

You take Casey back to her house after spending a good few hours at the park. You lock the door- safety first- and shut it behind you.

 **John: give Casey a bath.**

You give Casey a bath. It goes significantly better than you'd anticipated, and in minutes, your temporary ward is clean and dressed up in a set of yellow footie pajamas.

 **John: make dinner.**

Your cooking leaves much to be desired, so instead, you order in from a nearby Italian place.

 _Ding dong!_

Wow! That was fast!

 **John: answer door.**

You answer the door and take the food, giving the delivery man the exact amount of money asked for and then seeing him on his way.

 **John: eat dinner.**

You are consciously aware of a voice in your head dictating your every action, but you ignore it in favor of food. You help Casey cut her pasta into more manageable portions and then eat your own food. Afterwards, it's time for bed.

 **John: nap.**

You're a little worn out after looking after Casey. Now that she's tucked in, you suppose it wouldn't hurt to catch a few z's yourself. You curl up on the couch and fall asleep.

 **John: dream.**

It's dark and cold, but you find you can see just fine. Voices drift near, and you're not entirely sure what's being said. Something about a marriage, you think. But between who? And…something about a…transmuscendence? What the hell is _that?_

A pair of red eyes bores into your very soul unnervingly…

 **John: be woken up by your clients.**

You wake up to Mr. Salamaander shaking you gingerly, and quickly apologize for falling asleep. Mrs. Salamaander smiles at you and presses a wad of dollar bills into your hand before sending you on your way.

 **John: go home.**

The street is dark, but that's no concern to you. You've walked this street many times before. You come to the driveway and shudder. It feels like someone's watching you, and for some reason, you can't help but remember those vivid red eyes from your dream. You shake your head, trying to get that image out, and enter your home.

 **John: go upstairs.**

Your dad doesn't appear to be home yet. Either that or he's asleep and left the car in the garage for the night. In any case, he's not here in this room. You decide to go upstairs into your room before he can come down and scold you for coming home late.

 **John: check computer.**

You figure you may as well log on to Pesterchum and see who's been pestering you. Then you realize you haven't told any of your friends about your babysitting job. They're probably really worried now. You hope at least one of them is still up do you can explain things.

Thankfully, it looks like Dave is on.

 **John: answer Dave.**

 **-TurntechGodhead[TG] began pestering EctoBiologist [EB] at 3:00 PM-**

 **TG: hey**

 **TG: hey bro**

 **TG: broseph**

 **TG: you gonna answer me?**

 **TG: ok**

 **TG: whatever**

 **TG: not like im important or anything**

 **-EctoBiologist [EB] began pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 10:37 PM-**

 **EB: uuuhhhhh hey dude!**

 **TG: holy jesus THERE you are**

 **TG: like**

 **TG: where were you?**

 **EB: sry i was working.**

 **EB: babysitting.**

 **TG: cool but**

 **TG: give a bro some warning next time**

 **TG: srsly**

 **TG: that was uncool**

 **EB: i know, and i'm sorry.**

 **TG: whatever**

 **TG: past shit man**

 **TG: anyway**

 **TG: bro got a record deal and**

 **TG: i guess were moving now**

 **EB: sweet! where to?**

 **TG: someplace in washington i think**

 **TG: idk**

 **TG: anyways**

 **TG: i gtg finish packing**

 **TG: leaving tomorrow**

 **EB: k. ttyl.**

 **-EctoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 10:45 PM-**

 **TG: yeah**

 **TG: bye man**

 **-TurntechGodhead [TG] has logged off-**

 **John: go to bed.**

You shut down your computer for the night and crawl into your bed. You're not even in your pj's, but you don't really care. The clothes you're wearing now are pretty comfy anyway.

You close your eyes and go to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

[Location: Maple Valley, WA_]

[Date: June 12, 2009_]

 **John: be birdman.**

Birdman? Is that what the media's been calling you? You'd be insulted if it didn't have that little ring to it. But regardless, it's not your name.

Your name is Prince David Strider of the Land of Heat and Clockwork, younger brother to King Brothan the Awesome and elder brother of Dirk the Badass.

But everyone just calls you Dave.

Some twenty years ago, you and Bro were betrothed to the young prince of the Land of Wind and Shade. This was mostly just to secure your tentative alliance, but it helped that the kid was actually kind of cute. You'd even go so far as to say that you'd grown fond of him.

You couldn't wait to marry him- awkward threesome with your bro aside- but you were even more excited to see what his transmuscendence would look like. And when he'd suddenly disappeared seven years later- thirteen years prior to now- your wonderings were put to a halt.

As has been the case for the last thirteen years, you're in charge of finding John and getting him through the transmuscendence. You already have the traditional dagger used for that, too. It's smaller than you'd have liked, but you can still work with it.

When the government of this world tried to capture you and use you as a lab rat, they certainly found that out.

 **Dave: hide out in the park.**

You suppose it'll do to hide in the trees in the park nearby. You've discovered quickly that people here aren't used to seeing people like you. If John's anywhere, this would be an ideal place for him to be.

You curl up in a tall tree, at a perfect vintage point to look for anyone hostile, and relax your shoulders, letting your badass wings extend a little.

Tomorrow, you'll search more for John.

 **Dave: fall asleep.**

You close your eyes and quickly fall asleep.

 **Dave: be that online friend.**

[Location: XXXXX Maple Valley WA_]

[Date: June 21, 2009_]

The entire process of moving took a week. You and your bro don't really own much, so most of it was just driving all the way from Texas to Washington. And now that everything's at least inside, it's time to meet the neighbors.

 **Dave: go next door.**

You go next door with your bro and stand beside him as he knocks on the door. A n average-sized man in a suit and fedora answers it. He introduces himself as "Mr. Jake Egbert" AKA "Dad", and somehow that name sounds familiar.

Mr. Egbert invites you and bro to dinner, where, he says, you'll be able to meet his son, and then it hits you.

Your best bro's last name's Egbert, and didn't he say once that he lived in Washington? You're sure he did, which means that…

But you won't know if it's really him until you see him, you guess.

Suddenly, dinnertime can't come quick enough.

 **Dave: be John.**

You are now John again.

It's around eight pm, and you've just been eager to get home all day. The kid you've been babysitting today was a real handful, and even _your_ patience was tested.

You walk up the driveway to your home, and notice that the kitchen window is lit up. Dad's cooking in there, it seems, but this late at night? There must be company. Well, guess it's time to introduce yourself.

 **John: go inside.**

You open the door and go inside. Your nostrils are immediately assaulted by the nostalgic scent of your dad's home cooking. You hang up your bag by the door and look into the living room, where two blond men are staring at you. One of them is wearing pointed anime shades, and the other is wearing round black ones. You'd recognize those anywhere…

"Yo."

You internally squeal in glee. It _is_! Your best bro- in your living room- in _person_!

"Dave? I didn't think- when you said you were moving, I- I didn't think you meant _here_!"

He gets up from the couch and walks up to you, his bro staring with cool indifference. He ruffles your hair.

"Believe it Egderp. We're neighbors and you're just gonna get used to it."

You grin up at him and dad calls all of you in for dinner. You lead Dave into the kitchen and dad serves dinner for everyone. It's delicious as always. He'd also made a cake for the occasion, and you suppose just this once you'll indulge him and eat a piece.

Afterwards, you and Dave retreat to your room and leave your respective guardians to talk amongst themselves.

Between you two, there isn't much to be said, since you talk all the time on Pesterchum, and that's perfectly fine with you. It's like, by being near Dave, his coolness will rub off on you.

Eventually, he breaks the silence and suggests a movie. You're pretty sure you don't have any that he'd like, but you agree anyway and leave him to choose something from the shelf. You end up watching Con-Air, and you have no idea why he chose it. Sure, you love Nic Cage, and you know he knows that, but you also know Dave doesn't like him as much.

Even as the movie plays, he's not even trying to pay attention, and somehow ends up falling asleep against you.

You let the movie play, and when it's done, you try to wake up your friend. He's a light sleeper, so it's not really that hard.

The clock reads past midnight, so you bid Dave farewell and watch him and his bro leave.

Tonight is probably the best night you've had in quite some time.


	4. Chapter 4

[Date: June 12, 2009_]

[Location: A Park_]

 **John: be Dave.**

A familiar scent wakes you up, late at night if the sky is anything to go by, and invades your nose. Er, what passes as your nose. How _do_ you smell stuff with your beak blocking your nose anyway? You have no idea, but you suppose it's not important. John is somewhere nearby!

 **Dave: track John's scent.**

You hop out from your tree and use your wings to land gracefully on the ground. You turn your head a little and catch another whiff of his scent. He smells like baked goods and fresh air, and you're pleased to see it hasn't changed a bit.

You spring up into the air, high out of the public eye, and follow John's scent. It leads you to a nearby house in the suburbs- though it's a little harder to see in the dark, but that's mostly because of the pollution in the air. No way can that be good for John's health.

 **Dave: kidnap John.**

You can't exactly do that at the moment, no matter how easy it looks. John's always been a light sleeper, and if you woke him now, he'd probably wake up whoever he's with, and then they'd just cause a whole mess of trouble. It's not like you were on his good side when he left, after all, so if he saw you, he'd probably flip the fuck out.

 **Dave: observe.**

You land in a tree right beside John's window and peer through it. The kid's sleeping fitfully- tossing and turning. It looks like he's having a nightmare. You take a minute to wonder what it could be about. His dad, maybe? You remember the guy to be honestly pretty scary, so it wouldn't really surprise you if even his own son was scared of him.

You decide to just stay there until he wakes up.

 **Dave: be John.**

It's cold and dark, and a man who resembles a harlequin- albeit one who'd been surgicalky fused with a human being- is standing in front of you.

 _ **John: abscond!**_

You try to abscond, but the figure pulls you back roughly, choking you. You struggle to escape, but it's totally pointless. Those clawed hands close around your throat, threatening to suffocate you. You kick out and struggle harder, and see more than feel a knife stabbing into you.

 _ **John: wake up!**_

Who's calling you? The voice sounds kind- paternal.

 **John: wake up now!**

You wake up to the concerned eyes of your father. You apologize for waking him up and assure him that you're fine. He leaves and you look out your window to see a pair of bright red eyes. They're eerily familiar, but you have no idea where you've seen them before.

 **John: go downstairs.**

You exit your room and go downstairs. It smells like dad's already making breakfast. Waffles, eggs, and bacon. It smells heavenly.

Immediately, all thoughts of nightmarish clowns and demonic red eyes flee from your mind in favor of your dad's cooking.

 **John: enjoy a delicious meal with your father.**

You sit down across from your dad and begin eating. Like most mornings, breakfast is a silent affair. You know that if he wanted to, dad could press for details about your nightmare. He's good at that sort of thing. You're glad he doesn't push it though.

 **John: get ready for work.**

You don't have to be at your clients' house for another hour, but it never hurts to be prepared. You finish eating and then go to your room to get dressed for the day. The eyes are gone, and you feel relieved. You don't know what you'd do if they were still there.

It only takes you a few minutes to get ready for the day ahead, leaving you with half an hour before you have to leave.

 **John: pester Dave.**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering TurntechGodhead [GC] at 8:21 AM-**

 **EB: hey dave.**

 **TG: yo**

 **TG: egderp**

 **TG: wassup**

 **EB: eh nothing much i guess.**

 **EB: i've just been working.**

 **TG: oh yeah**

 **TG: what did u say u did again**

 **EB: babysitter. as in watching kids.**

 **TG: wow man**

 **TG: srsly?**

 **TG: thats so girly**

 **EB: shut up! it takes loads of work watching over a child!**

 **TG: yeah yeah**

 **TG: ok man**

 **EB: anyway…**

 **EB: i gotta go. ttyl.**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 8:49 AM-**

[Date: June 28, 2009_]

[Location: A park_]

 **John: take a walk.**

You have nothing to do today, so a walk in the park sounds like a good idea. You enter the mini-forest area in the park.

 **John: admire.**

It's like something you'd see in a post-card of some mountain town or something, except smaller. And there aren't any animals except for a few varieties of birds. There's a stream nearby, but you're pretty sure it's polluted and unsafe to drink from, as most bodies of water today are.

 **John: meet one of the varieties of birds in this forest.**

A giant winged figure swoops overhead and lands in front of you. He- or, you assume it's a "he"- has black wings. Giant black wings. And matching tail feathers. And feathers at his collarbone and waist. His fingers, you see, are adorned with claws. But it's his face that really gets you, and brings to mind something Dave had said some months earlier.

It's a mask that doctors wore when dealing with victims of the plague.

But it's literally stitched to his face! And the beak part is stitched shut, too. How the hell is he even breathing? He rushes towards you, and you put your arms up in a defensive position.

He stops, and begins to speak.

"John…it's about time we found you!"

His voice…it…it sounds like…! But how!? For that matter, how the hell can you hear him at all? You have no fucking idea.

"c'mon man...time to go home. The old man's probably worried himself to death looking for you."

Just who the hell is this creep? And what does _he_ know? You're dad's not worried about you- you'd just been with him twenty minutes ago!

The bird man makes to grab your arm, and you back away.

"Who the hell are you?"

A hurt-sounding gasp reaches your ears and you can see the guy flinch. Is it something you said? You don't know, and you don't care.

 **John: abscond.**

You abscond and make it out of the mini-forest. It doesn't look like bird guy followed you, but you're still wound up after having met him.

 **John: return home.**

You quickly return home and hole up in your room. You hope that nothing bad will happen, but something else is nagging at your mind.

That man looked somehow familiar...


	5. Chapter 5

**-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 12:45 AM-**

 **EB: oh my god! dave! guess what!**

 **TG: what is it egderp**

 **TG: youre actin like someone showed you a photo album full of kittens and somehow passed their cutesy cavity inducing fondness off onto you**

 **TG: so srsly**

 **TG: whats got you so hyped**

 **EB: dude. i saw him.**

 **TG: who**

 **TG: nick cage**

 **TG: mconnehay**

 **EB: no! i saw the bird man!**

 **TG: the what**

 **TG: you mean that lame af super hero from that old crappy cartoon**

 **EB: no dude. the creep we talked about a while back with the plague doctor mask stitched to his face!**

 **TG: oh yeah**

 **TG: that guy**

 **TG: so**

 **TG: what happened with him**

 **EB: I dunno, but it was really weird! he actually started talking to me. it looked freaky.**

 **TG: whoa slow down**

 **TG: birdguy actually *spoke* to you?**

 **EB: yeah? why is that such a big deal?**

 **TG: dude**

 **TG: you dont get it**

 **TG: like**

 **TG: no ones ever gotten close enough to get a good look at him**

 **TG: much less get him crowin**

 **TG: so spill it egbert**

 **TG: what happened?**

 **EB: well, i didn't even know it was him at first. he didn't open his mouth, but he sounded just like you.**

 **EB: idk what that's about. anyway…**

 **EB: then he started saying a bunch of bullshit about how it was time for me to come home with him and how my dad probably killed himself worrying about me.**

 **TG: the fuck**

 **TG: dude thats like**

 **TG: srsly**

 **TG: what the hell**

 **EB: yeah i know. i'm gonna talk to jade and see if she knows anything about it. she seems to know a lot about weird creepy things.**

 **TG: k man**

 **TG: tell me what she says**

 **EB: got it.**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 1:10 PM-**

 **John: pester Jade.**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic. [GG] at 1:12 PM-**

 **EB: hey jade, i kinda need your help with something.**

 **GG: hey john! how can i help?**

 **EB: well…you know that weird bird man that's been on the news?**

 **GG: uuummmm….**

 **EB: well i met him and he talked to me…sort of?**

 **GG: sort of? what does that mean?:-p**

 **EB: not important.**

 **EB: he said some really freaky stuff and i wanna know what you think of it.**

 **GG: well what did he say to you?**

 **GG: what kind of freaky stuff?**

 **EB: he said it was time for me to go home.**

 **EB: and that my dad was really worried about me- which is total bs cause i just saw my dad earlier and he was fine.**

 **EB: sooo…what do you think it means?**

 **GG: well…i know what it means but…**

 **GG: :-(**

 **EB: ?**

 **GG: i dont think i should tell you yet…**

 **GG: im sorry john!**

 **GG: T_T**

 **EB: it's ok jade.**

 **EB: it's just…so frustrating! everyone's acting really strange!**

 **GG: i know john.**

 **GG: and i really wish i could tell you but if i do youll only be sad…and at least a little mad.**

 **GG: maybe.**

 **EB: oh well…**

 **EB: ok i guess…**

 **EB: i gotta go…bye.**

 **GG: bye john. be safe.**

 **EB: yeah.**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 1: 35 PM-**

A young and silly girl stands in her bedroom.

She looks somewhat human, disregarding the extra pair of arms and the ears and tail of her guardian which seem to have been sewn to her body.

 **[Enter name: Jade Harley_]**

 **[Location: unknown_]**

 **[Date: unknown_]**

Your name is Jade Harley. You rule the Land of Frost and Frogs, and act as the Witch of Space. The only one who knows anything about your past is you, and you'd honestly prefer to forget it. Thirteen years ago, you de-aged someone dear to you and followed him to an alternate universe, where he'd be safe. Ever since, you've been keeping a close eye on him, doing your best to keep him safe. But now, it looks like your past has finally caught up to you. You hope Rose is okay.

 **Jade: reflect.**

You really don't want to. At least, not right now. You have to do something to keep Dave away from John. But what can you do? Your powers don't work very well in this universe, and you know it's only a matter of time before Dave- or worse, Bro- finds out where you've hidden John. You hope they're not so stupid to think that he'd look the same after thirteen years, but you know they'd be expecting some clever de-aging trick, and thus wouldn't take changes like that into account.

 **Jade: go to sleep.**

Maybe the clouds will help…

You fall asleep right where you're standing. The Becquerel of this world brings you to your bed.

 **Jade: dream.**


	6. Chapter 6

But you cannot dream, as your body is no longer capable of falling asleep.

 **Jade: become the King of the Land of Heat and Clockwork.**

Mm…not quite yet. There are still things left to do before he can appear.

 **Jade: be John again?**

You suppose that'll do.

You are now John again.

It is somewhere around three in the morning, and you've been unable to sleep. You've been thinking over the bird man's words all day, and wondering why your friend won't tell you what he meant. You think about bugging Dave or Rose about it, or even Kanaya or Vriska, but you know none of them would be up at this hour.

 **John: go to rooftop.**

You exit your bedroom then go out a door to the far left. It leads out to an empty plateau of sorts, where you and your dad used to go stargazing when you were younger. It's not quite time for the sun to rise, but you want to be there when it does. No matter the time of day, this space always seems quiet and peaceful.

 **John: space out.**

You lay down on your back and look up at the night sky, letting yourself zone out amidst the stars. Gradually, the sky lightens, and you stop zoning out to look out at the mountains, and the sun's rosy fingers just barely peeking over them. It's absolutely glorious.

 **John: watch sunrise.**

You keep your eyes transfixed on the sun as it makes its slow ascent into the sky above. The sight invigorates you, and suddenly you feel much more awake.

 **John: return inside.**

You get up, intent on doing just that, when something enters your field of vision. It looks kind of like a large bird. Or an awkwardly shaped plane. Whatever it is, it's headed right for you, and you don't like the bad feeling that evokes.

 **John: get back inside the house!**

You quickly go back inside, shutting and locking the door behind you. What the hell was that thing? You're not sure you want to know.

 **John: return to your bedroom.**

You enter your bedroom and immediately see that your computer is flashing. Someone is messaging you. But who?

 **-turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 3:05 AM-**

But…that doesn't make any sense! Dave was well asleep at that time! Maybe he'd been hacked? Unlikely. Dude's too paranoid to ever let _that_ happen.

 **John: answer.**

 **TG: caw caw johnny boy**

 **TG: ready to come home**

 **TG: wait**

 **TG: why am i even asking im just gonna bring you back anyway**

 **TG: srsly though**

 **TG: hope youve said your goodbyes and shit cause i dont want to have to haul ass all over the goddamn inciphisphere again**

 **TG: caw**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] has logged on-**

 **EB: ummmmm what?**

 **EB: who the hell are you?**

 **EB: whoever you are, dave's not gonna be happy to find out some random creep's hacked into his account…**

 **EB: uuhhhh heelloooo?**

 **-ectoBiologist [EB] has logged off-**

No answer.

How weird…at least now you know for sure it isn't Dave on the other end.

 **John: go downstairs.**

You hear someone knocking at the front door. It's barely five in the morning, though. You don't know if you should risk it..

 **John: grab strife specibus.**

You grab your strife specibus. It's been allocated to hammerkind, and there are already a few decent sized hammers for you to choose from. You settle with the plain and ordinary one and keep a firm grip on it as you make your way downstairs.

 **John: answer door.**

The knocking persists. You cautiously open the door a crack, and are greeted by a pair of glowing red eyes.

 **John: flip the fuck out!**

You prepare to freak out and attack, but before you can do anything, something sharp and dagger-like pierces into your stomach.

 **John: black out.**

You fall forward and lose consciousness. Your blood spills out onto the welcome mat, and you know your dad probably won't be happy cleaning that up.

 **John: be the other girl.**

Your name is Rose Lalonde.

You have a variety of interests, the chief among them being your online girlfriend of a year, along with psychology.

Recently, you've had a bad feeling concerning another of your internet friends. You don't know how you know, but you just know that something bad is going to happen to him. You think the other you- Miss Psycho-Tentacle-Thorn-Kitty- might've said so in a dream, but you don't know for certain, and even if you did, you know for a fact that she hasn't told you at all what that bad thing would be.

 **Rose: pester Jade.**

 **-tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:34 AM-**

 **TT: Hello there, Jade.**

 **GG: oh hi rose!:-)**

 **TT: Hey, listen. I need your help with something.**

 **GG: sure rose! what is it?**

 **TT: It's about John…**

 **GG: john? what about him? is he ok?**

 **TT: I'm…not entirely sure, to be honest. I've just had this bad feeling all day, and I feel like John's somehow involved.**

 **GG: oh no**

 **GG: I hope he's ok!:-(**

 **TT: The other me- with the tentacles and the psycho-cat grin- she said that something bad would happen to him soon. Do you know what that means?**

 **GG: uuhhh…yeah, i do! but…**

 **TT: But…?**

 **GG: it's…really complicated…and long, and confusing!:^**

 **TT: I have time.**

 **GG: well…ok.**

 **GG: like i said though its really long**

 **GG: so give me a minute to type it all out.**

 **TT: Alright. I'll be waiting.**

 **Rose: be Miss Psycho-Happy-Tentacle-Thorn-Kitty.**

That name, much like all things, amuses you. Your name is also Rose Lalonde, heiress of the Land of Light and Rain.

What is most decidedly not amusing, though, is the situation you've found yourself in. A long time ago, your girlfriend asked you to help her transport a mutual friend of yours to a different world. It worked, but you were careless, and caught after your friend had already left. For the last thirteen years, you've been holed up in the "interrogation chambers" of the Land of Wind and Shade. When the hell did they even build one? Or a dungeon at all, for that matter? The last king had never had one built that you could recall. But right now, it's irrelevant.

They've been torturing you for months, demanding to know what you did to the Heir of Breath- the Heir to the Land of Wind and Shade. But you won't abandon your friend like that. You know how much he dreaded the transmuscendence. You'll never tell them where to find him. Ever.

You've grown immune to their torture methods. But when you were abruptly released with only a simple "we found him", it felt like that very first cut. You figure someone must've ratted him out- and it would've had to have been either Jake or Jade.

You catch a glimpse of the second-eldest Strider carrying a body in his arms. You know by scent alone that it's John. And he's bleeding everywhere. It's a good thing he's passed out.

You won't forgive them for betraying John like this.

 **Rose: be the king of LOHAC.**

You are now Bro.

You're just making your way out into the hall of your badass castle when a familiar head of black hair catches your eye. And a second, shorter head in his arms, leaking a delicious-smelling red blood you haven't smelled in ages.

 **Bro: approach.**

You approach Dave- your little man- and eye the KO'd human in his arms. You feel proud of him for completing his mission, even after everyone else had given up hope.

 **Bro: reward your little man.**

You give Dave an affectionate pat on the head and follow him out to the Heir's Questbed.

It is time for the ceremony to begin.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bro: be Dave.**

You are now Dave again, but not _your_ Dave.

You can't help the nausea that's been steadily building in your system all day, and you know it probably won't go away anytime soon. You though about turning up some sick jams, but that didn't help any, so now you're on your bed, still trying to sort things out.

 _ **Hours ago- but not many…**_

You were on Pesterchum, talking with Jade because something just didn't feel right, when you overheard Bro start talking to someone downstairs. Huh. Company. You didn't hear the door open at all.

You went down to eavesdrop.

 **Dave: Listen.**

"You mean he…he isn't here?"

"M'fraid not, sir. Haven't seen hide nor hair of'im since yesterday."

Huh? Why was Bro talking with Egderp senior?

"O-Oh…I see…"

The man's voice cracked. He sounded really worried.

Bro guided him to the couch.

"Exactly what happened to John, Mr. Egbert?"

That bad feeling suddenly got worse as something in your stomach tightened.

"He's gone….I woke up and made breakfast for him, since he didn't have to work today, but he wasn't in the house. All I found was a half-dried trail of blood. It…it started f…from the welcome mat…and ended- just at the..the end of the driveway…! Oh God…I'm so worried about him!"

His voice wavered again. He sounded close to hysterics. From your place on the staircase, you saw Bro start to rub his back.

There was a moment of silence, and then….

"We'll help you find'im, sir. Y'know he an' my little man are thick as thieves."

You didn't stay to hear the rest, choosing instead to hole up in your room.

And there you've been the last couple hours, worrying.

 **Dave: Hypothesize.**

Option A: John set himself up and ran away.

That's total bullshit and you know it. The kid always seemed really fond of his dad, and even if he wasn't, he'd never leave you behind like that.

Option 2: John got kidnapped.

More probable, you guess, given the trail of blood on the Egberts' driveway. But who in their right mind would want to kidnap _John_ of all people?

Wait-

 **Dave: Remember.**

The other day John said he saw the bird-man- he said it actually _spoke_ to him and _said some weird stuff_ , something about _his father being worried sick even though he'd seen him only a short while ago_ and-

 **Dave: Check Pester-Log.**

Somehow, you have a feeling Jade's involved with this in some way. In which case, you need to talk to her _immediately_!

Huh? Looks like she already tried to contact you.

 **Dave: answer.**

 **-GardenGnostic [GG] began pestering TurntechGodhead [TG] at 7:02 AM-**

GG: dave!

GG: oh god please be on….

GG: dave hurry up

GG: something bads happened to john!

TG: jade what

TG: what the hell happened?

TG: john's missing

TG: and right after that creepy af bird dude popped up

GG: what?

GG: what bird dude?

TG: idk

TG: egderps the only one who knows what he looks like

TG: but

TG: he said the guy sounds like me

TG: that's actually really fucking weird….

TG: uuhhhhhh

GG: oh no!

GG: i was afraid that's what happened…

GG: but dave listen

GG: i might know where he is

GG: i can even take you there if you want

TG: what

TG: hold on

TG: what the hell are you talking about

GG: where are you?

TG: uuummmm at my house….

GG: look out your window

 **Dave: look out your window**

You look out your window and just…stare.

TG:….okay….

GG: so can i come in

TG: wait that's *you*

GG: yup

GG: now can i come in or not

TG: uhhh

TG: i guess…

GG: good

 **-GardenGnostic [GG] has logged off-**

 **-TurntechGodhead [TG] has logged off-**

 **Dave: Open window.**

You unlock your window and open it so Jade can come in.

She looks…kinda what you thought she'd look like, but with…extra arms…and…dog ears?

Ooo….kayy…

 **Dave: converse.**

"Soo…what's going on? Where's my bro? What the hell happened to him?"

"Umm…I dunno if you're gonna believe me, Dave, but…he's been kidnapped and taken to another universe!"

"Uuhhhh…."

You're going to pretend that actually makes sense.

"It's true! And if what you said is true, then the one who took him is that universe's version of you!"

You're not quite sure what you think of that.

"So wait. Basically Egderp got kidnapped by what's basically another me? And apparently _I'm_ birdman!?"

"That's right, Dave. He's in another universe- in the same one I come from. I can take you there, but…it'll be dangerous."

"I don't care. Sign me up- I gotta save my bro."

"Well…okay. But I want you to grab a weapon anyway- just in case!"

 **Dave: grab sword.**

You grab your sword and allocate it to your strife specibus.

"Ok. Got it. Let's go."

"Alright! Dave- grab onto my arm."

 **Dave: grab arm.**

You grab onto one of Jade's extra arms. She mutters some weird stuff, and then, you're off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Dave: Land**

You and Jade land in the **Land Of Frost and Frogs** , and the first thing you realize is that it's FUCKING COLD up in here! It's like you just got out of a hot shower and then found out you were in _Antarctica_ or something!

Jade falls to her knees, and like a gentleman, you help her up.

She smiles and thanks you.

 **Dialogue Box**

 **Jade:**

whew! sorry about that dave! i guess i was just really tired. my powers are harder to work with in your universe, so even getting to your house was tough!:-) but getting from your world to my world is a lot easier, and i feel better just being here!

 **Dave:**

uuuuuhhhh okay so where's john? i can barge in and save his royal egderp ass myself while you get all nice and comfy and restful.

 **Jade:**

uuuuuummmmmmm... i dont actually know exactly where he is dave. i'm really sorry! its just that...the dave of this world is really unpredictable. hes a crow, and he likes shiny and new things, so its possible that he took john to his home already. but he and his bro were also put in charge of designing johns transmuscendence as well as performing the ceremony, so its just as likely they took john back to the **Land of Wind and Shade** to get that done.

 **Dave: get cut off.**

You go to respond, but you become distracted by a crunching sound, like someone or something rolling around in the snow.

 **Dave: investigate.**

You turn and see a figure rolling around in the snow. Jade catches whatever it is you're staring at and squeals.

 **Dave: observe.**

"Rose!"

The thing is a girl with a perma-grin and cat ears, and thorn-covered tentacles instead of arms.

"Jade! Thank _god_ you're finally here!"

Rose (seriously?) sounds worried, even though she's smiling.

"What? What's wrong Rose? What happened?"

"It's _Strider_ \- _they found John_ , and they're about to start his transmuscendence ceremony! We have to _do something_ \- mew!"

You're confused now.

 **Dave: interject.**

"So, what's this "transmuscendence" thing or whatever it's called?"

Rose answers you.

"Well...it's...hmm...well, look at yourself now. Until we're thirteen years old, we all look like you."

"Okay, so is that what happens to make you...that?"

"Essentially, yes. On their thirteenth birthdays, children are forced to undergo a ceremony called a transmuscendence. Over the course of three days, their souls are ripped from their bodies and then shoved into new bodies, traditionally created and sewn together by the parents. Then the new body goes through a series of very painful tests and surgeries to make sure it works properly and will _keep_ working. But because the body no longer has blood flowing, things like thirst, sleep, and hunger don't matter. On top of that, the soul of the child is also burdened with quirks that once belonged to its new body."

She pauses for a moment- probably to gather her thoughts.

"For example, king Brothan's transmuscendence was done with a wooden puppet, so now he looks a lot like a puppet, and is also very stoic. David was reformed with a crow, and a real asshole of a crow at that, so he's a sadistic kleptomaniac now."

Jade nods her head and then grabs your arm.

"John was deathly afraid of it- not only of the pain, but also of changing so drastically. We didn't want him to go through it either, so we de-aged him and sent him to your universe, where we'd hoped he'd be safe from the Striders and their sadistic desires. But as you can see, they got to him anyway, and if they're already starting the transmuscendence, then we have to go!"

Rose grabs Jade's arm, stopping both of you.

"Hold on-meow! There's just a couple more things you'll want to know if you want to save John. First, because he's the son of the king, the ceremony will take place on the Questbed on the highest peak of LOWAS. John's technically dead, but if even a drop of his blood gets on that Questbed, his soul will return to its rightful body, and John will come back to life. Secondly, David and Brothan are immune to sickness and most injuries, because of the natures of their transmuscended forms, but if you can chop off their heads, that should kill them pretty quick."

She lets go.

 **Dave: go with Jade.**

You don't exactly have a choice now.

 **Dave: be the other Dave.**

Okay. You guess that works.

You are now the other Dave. And you are maybe just a little bit nervous. You were fine before, but then Bro explained to you that since the king of LOWAS died and put the two of you in charge of _creating_ John's new body on top of the ceremony and actually finding the boy, he took it upon himself to create a new form for him.

Of course, old king Egbert already had something planned- involving a harlequin and slime and hammers- but it didn't seem to fit John's personality at the time, and neither of you are so awful that you'd force John to change his very _self_ like that.

You think Bro's design looks much nicer anyway, much more fitting.

But the problem is, you have no idea how the ceremony will go, since John's spent the last thirteen years in another universe.

For now, you decide to go with the usual procedure.

 **Dave: run it over.**

You run over the most important rules in your head one more time, just to be safe.

Be clean about it. If even a drop of John's blood lands on the actual Questbed, the ceremony can't ever continue.

Make sure John's bodies are on the Questbed _the entire time_. It's the only way to ensure that he has complete and total immortality like you and your bros.

Finally, don't let _anything_ distract you. That could result in either of the two rules above getting broken, or else in John's soul leaving to go to the afterlife.

And you'll be _damned_ if you let anything take him away from you again.

 **Dave: get on with it.**

You pick up a special knife. It's covered in red, and most would think it's rusted, but that's totally wrong. The knife is stained and covered with the blood of all the kings of LOWAS to come before John.

You prepare to bring it down, fully aware that Bro is watching you closely, even as he's using a hand each to keep John's bodies pinned down.

 **Dave: be John.**

You don't particularly want to be John at this moment.

 **Fine. Be Rose Lalonde?**

Yes. Let's check up on her.

You are now Rose.

It's been a couple hours at least since you've pestered Jade, and she filled you in on everything relating to John and his past. You've been mulling it over ever since, and have even thought of discussing it with Kanaya, but at the same time, doing something like that doesn't sound quite right to you.

What will you do now?

 **Rose: pester Dave.**

In light of recent events, that might actually be a good idea. You'd want to know if your alternate self kidnapped your best friend- maybe more- after all.

But your alternate self already explained to you that Dave knows everything, and him and Jade are already on their way to save John.

You wish there was more you could do for them- because lord knows you're sick of staying out of the loop.

You suppose you could take another nap (even though you woke up just an hour ago) and check in with the other Rose. Maybe Dave and Jade made some progress in the last hour.

 **Rose: nap.**


End file.
